At Gargling Gas we believe cars possess character and personality just like us. You associate certain cars with certain things, just like we stereotype a person for driving a certain car i.e. BMW/Estate Agent or Audi TT/Hairdresser.
So with this in mind, I pondered on these mechanical characters and personalities, eventually imagining cars selecting weapons from a gun rack. Within minutes I had a whole fleet of cars and an arsenal large enough to pull off a small heist.
I’ll start with the first car/gun that sprung to mind as I have owned one (the car, that is) and loved every minute of driving her.
I associate the AK-47 with the middle east and places such as Libya, Pakistan and Afghanistan. Here we have the W126 Mercedes-Benz S Class, a car I also associate with these places, especially the corrupt leaders and dictators. The Merc is a classy and smooth ride, renowned for its German reliability and build quality. If you need transporting across a country to execute a few people in comfort and style, this is the ride for you.
Mini Sub Machine Guns: Mac-10, Tec-9, Micro Uzi
These mini machine guns are great for those moments when you need to aim and spray. Because of their compact size, they are light and easier to conceal.
Whenever I see these cute little guns, the first image to hit me is South Central L.A. and a gang pulling off a ‘drive by’. The car of choice in these parts is always the ’64 Chevrolet Impala, its suspension modified to transform it into a low rider.
I envisage the movies when it comes to the sniper rifle, a cool and calm hitman carrying his trusty briefcase containing a Meccano set of gun components. He’ll find a room, quickly and efficiently assemble his rifle and centre the cross hairs onto his mark.
Classy, robust, extremely powerful yet tastefully understated, the Audi A8 (the car from Ronin) is the perfect choice of car for a hitman.
The infamous sawn-off pump action shotgun
The sawn-off is an old concept used by many a gangster, although I always picture the cockney London gangsters/cocaine dealers using them.
And what motors are synonymous with Saaff Laandan gangsters? The Ranger Rover Sport, of course.
The Magnum .44 (Dirty Harry)
Described as the most powerful revolver in the world (The Smith & Wesson Model 500 has since taken that title), the .44 is a head removing revolver with one hell of recoil kick. This gun is also a favourite in movies, particularly Dirty Harry, “You’ve got to ask yourself a question: ‘do I feel lucky?’ Well, do ya, punk?”
I think someone who buys a .44 Magnum is proud to be American, and this would come into play when choosing a car. That would mean a Cadillac – because this vehicle was ubiquitous throughout all three Dirty Harry movies, this ’76 Eldorado fits the bill perfectly.
When it comes to this piece of engineering excellence, I can think only of the F.B.I and authority. The reason they prefer this Austrian 9mm semi-automatic is for its reliability.
Compared to the cops and their Crown Vics, the F.B.I. would select something a little more exciting, a car relecting their bigger egos. They are known to go for black, and this understated Charger R/T speaks nothing but F.B.I.
Snub Nose .38 Police Special
This cute little fella is the preferred weapon of choice by detectives and private eyes. The snub nose allows for easy concealment and the gun itself offers a decent amount of close range stopping power.
Any undercover agent or private eye would choose a boring but popular car, something that blends in to its surroundings no matter it goes. There is nothing more boring than a grey Honda Accord – popular, featureless, the car equivalent of a chameleon.