One Car Apocalypse

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Zombieland

Zombieland

As a fiction writer as well as an automotive scribbler, I’ve not only noticed the ubiquitous appearance of zombies, vampires and apocalyptic settings in film, TV and books over the past decade, I’ve had a few ideas myself.

Of course, cars always find themselves into the forefront of my imagination, which in turn led me here to Gargling Gas and an important question I’d like all you petrolheads to consider.

28 Days Later

If you were a character in film, TV or a novel set within the aforementioned genres, what would be your car of choice?

Would it be a car chosen for pragmatic reasons such as reliability, economy or its ability to traverse all terrains? Or would you throw caution to  the wind and go for something fast, aggressive and loud?

Mad Max

Mad Max

As the choice can be made within the realm of fiction and fantasy, where cars can miraculously jump like the General Lee and land with no mechanical issues, I’m going to go with something a little more interesting than the ‘real world’ solution to zombies and the apocalypse I penned a while back – Zombie Benz.

Bellflower

Bellflower

Bellflower isn’t strictly an apocalyptic film, although the car, Medusa is a creation built should the apocalypse ever occur. I think the protagonists had the right idea, though, a muscle car possessing flamethrowers.

My favourite protagonist in any story has to be “The Kid”, a twisted and psychotic greaser from Stephen King’s genius apocalyptic masterpiece, The Stand. He is short and boosts his height by six inches by means of a tall hairdo and high-heeled cowboy boots.

He drives a heavily customised 1932 Ford deuce coupe, which he drives dangerously fast, “speeds high enough to induce brain damage”, always with a beer or a whiskey chased with Pepsi in hand.

The Stand

The Stand

I think if I were to appear in film alongside the undead, bloodsuckers and a world ready to leave me alongside a handful of survivors, my main priority would be vanity – I’d need to look badass. People would need to hear me coming, fear me once they saw my ride, and either bow down or swoon as I rumbled by, slowing to throw a glance over my RayBans whilst flicking a cigarette butt out of the window.

A Prius? No. A Lamborghini? Hell no. What then?

Fast & Furious

Fast & Furious

If you follow Gargling Gas you’d expect me to say the Buick Grand National, but since it has made a fair amount of on-screen appearances, including Fast & Furious (2009), I’ll go for something nearly on par with its legendary sinister looks.

My car of choice has a good amount of power, killer looks, retro lines and nickname pertinent to the genres. It would look menacing from the front, great from the side, and simply amazing sliding around corners and splattered in buckets of blood and zombie brains.

BMW E24 635 CSi

BMW E24 635 CSi

Let me introduce The Shark-nose, the BMW E24  635 CSi. Oh yeah, it would without a doubt have to black, like my current Bimmer, HeLLga.

So what car would you choose to drive in a world void of life, a world wanting either your blood, your brains or ultimately your life?

 

 

Buick, Please Don’t Taint The GNX Legend

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When car companies decide to revive an old and popular model by building a ‘tribute’, they usually don’t do it any justice – it’s a bit like Hollywood rehashing a classic – think Gus Van Sant and his audacious yet appalling remake of Psycho.

One of my favourite cars (I’m going to own one to spank my midlife crisis into submission) is indeed the ’87 Buick GNX – I have professed my adoration for the Vader car in a previous post, Love At First Sight. The GNX is special in that is was unexpected and completely insane. Buicks weren’t and still aren’t known for power or outrageous styling; they were and still are comfortable and luxurious. When Buick released the Regal Grand National in 1982, the public took notice, and when Buick noticed the public taking notice, they upped the power almost every year until its final run in 1987 – the 87s are the most sought after because Buick wanted to bid the GNX farewell with a memorable send off, a special edition stroked by the McLaren brush and boasting a wildly underrated 245-bhp.

When Buick released the GNX, they gave birth to their black sheep of the fleet, a muscle car eater, a sinister machine fit for only Darth Vader, the choice of hitmen and serial killers.

Over the past year or so I’ve been following any news on the 2015 GNX, trying to find an accurate idea of what it’s going to look like – despite being released as a four door sedan and not like its coupe predecessor, I’d like to think it will resemble the picture above and the 2013 Regal GS below, because as far as modern designs are concerned, they looks pretty aggressive. Both the Grand National and GNX will be created on a RWD platform previously used by the sixth-generation Camaro and also the third-generation Cadillac CTS. Although concepts have varied, I know the figures are encouraging enough, but are they good enough to earn the GNX badge and status.

Owning a 2015 GNX doesn’t need to be the stuff of midlife crisis dreams either – the performance and looks will come cheaper than the 40s fantasy Porsche 911. Even if this is just out of reach, securing a car loan from a good bank will ensure the legendary GNX badge sits in your garage.

Casting the smaller engine options and models aside, the daddy GNX will have a twin-turbo 3.6-L V6. Phew, thank god they stuck with the V6 instead of using a V8. Twin-turbo is also good because it remains true to the original in that instead of using V8s like all the other muscle cars of its era, Buick decided to go with a V6 and a big turbo. The new model will possess around 400-bhp, but is this enough to challenge the likes of the Cadillac CTS, something Buick intended?

I personally don’t think it will live up to the GNX name in ground-breaking performance, but I do think Buick will create a great looking and fast sedan. The GNX will only come in black, just like its 80s daddy, so at least they’ve got that right. Perhaps if Buick found a few more horses and stripped away some of the weight using exotic materials (think BMW CSL), the GNX will be another Buick to remember. Okay, so it will push the prices up shedding weight, but it’s not like there’s going to be a shortage of people lining up to buy the new GNX.

 

Wings, Box Flares & Lots Of Paint

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Not only is the BMW pictured above a thing to behold, this 1976 3.0-L CSL boasts a splendid array of colours that somehow work and highlight the car’s features. Art purists will smirk at the idea of using a car as a canvas, but artist, Alexander Calder, known for surrealism, modern art, and his kinetic sculptures, represents his chosen genres well here.

 

1976 3.0-L CSL

1976 3.0-L CSL

The above image may not be to everyone’s taste, but take in the style and compare with the rather brilliant image below. I know which “canvas” I’d rather have presented/parked in my living room.

Calder isn’t the only artist to take inspiration from the Bavarian Motor Company. Everyone has heard of Andy Warhol, right? He’s the chap responsible for Pop Art – take in the piece below and you’ll immediately recognise the style.

So what does a modern (slightly mad) artist do when he takes hold of a 1979 BMW M1 and some brushes? Take a look below and marvel at the solid German engineering combined with the insanity of an artist let loose with his paint box.

The M1 was BMW’s supercar, a fact Warhol seemed to know when he went to work on it. What would look ghastly on a human, this mix of clashing colours just looks right on this boxy retro sports car.

I’m a big BMW fan and have owned a black E46 M3 and currently drive a black E36 325i coupe. I couldn’t do a Bimmer art post without including one of my favourite looking cars, the E30 M3. Not only is the E30 iconic, this collection of car art boasted a wonderful example of simplistic and solid German design painting by an artist known for his simplistic shapes and colours.

I’d never heard of Ken Done until I saw this collection featured on BMWism.com – click the link and check out the other BMWs and the varying styles lavished and embellished upon their boxy and retro bodies.

 

CoPo Muscle Vs Evil Legend GNX

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If you follow my blog, it’s fairly obvious which car wins it for Gargling Gas. The Buick GNX is my idea of heaven, both mentally, physically and even sexually.

Motor Trend  is a very good YouTube channel, the cars fantastic and the presenters knowledgeable and fair. I agreed the outcome was close on the two cars featured, especially as the 69 Chevelle was a CoPo boasting widow-making horsepower.

The match up was hardly old vs new, but the generation gap showed what a turbocharged V6 could produce. Don’t get me wrong, as I adore all muscle cars, it’s just the GNX was one of those bizarre releases from a company known for tame machines. If you lined up a bunch of muscle cars and suinted your eyes, the Chevelle wouldn’t stand out – the GNX, however, would be that streak of black, the Grim Reaper lurking in your peripheral vision.

Watch and enjoy the entertainment and great reviews.

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Driving Slow Cars Fast

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Whilst the title is a little ambiguous, it holds the key to the ultimate driving experience and will make sense once you watched the following video.

I fervently follow Jalopnik and their YouTube /DRIVE channel, knowing my automotive needs will be satiated with either interesting news or all-out mayhem.

It obviously comes down to personal taste in what you look for in a car’s chassis, but I have to go with the Toyota MR2 or the Mazda MX-5 (Miata) for slow(ish) cars you know you can throw around and experience that feeling of speed due to the car’s compact size and the minuscule gap between you and the tarmac.

Whilst both of these cars are RWD and excellent for kicking out the rear (the MR2 perhaps too easy due to its mid-mounted engine), you may prefer FWD or AWD, the ability to attack corners without the risk of spinning or ending up in a ditch more suited to your style.

Check out the video below and tell me your favourite slow car you know feels fast when it is either sideways or zipping along bendy country lanes.

Dashboard Attraction

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1982 Lancia Orca – Source

Whether its seamless lines or seductive curves, a car’s style and beauty is usually judged upon its body shape, its interior features taking a back seat, so to speak.

Since our true connection and enjoyment comes from being behind the wheel of a car, staring into an aesthetically appealing dashboard only heightens the experience.

 

1984 Aston Martin Lagonda

 

Because cars all possess different characters, manufactured to suit all walks of life, finding that comfortable and familiar interface isn’t hard. The pipe, slipper and open fire lover will prefer acres of polished walnut and chrome whilst the geek or technophobe will opt for the dash equivalent of the iPod.

 

1981 Citroen Xenia concept – Source

The dash I find most attractive would no doubt see me into a ditch from staring at it and not paying attention to the road. It comes from a car I know I’ll never own, an Italian rally-bred monster with muscular box flares and gorgeous lines. It’s turbocharged and four-wheel-drive, all its power and tech crammed inside a small car built by a company renowned for its terrible build quality.

Guessed it yet?

 

Lancia Delta HF Integrale Evo 

It’s that ultimate driver car and petrolhead’s fantasy, the Lancia Delta Integrale. Its looks and performance overpower any pragmatic cries of reliability, rust, and recovery vehicles. You’d drive one every now and again, each time a treat and as thrilling as the last.

Complimenting this design experimentation in sex and desire by feeding you information as you take control, comes a magnificent dashboard, one I simply adore. I think it’s down to my love of watches and dials and being able to see what’s going on under the bonnet.

 

 

Aesthetics is a highly subjective topic, but I think anyone can appreciate what is going on here.

So what’s your favourite dashboard? Are you a digital man or dial man?

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Why GM Need The Buick GNX Revived

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If you follow Gargling Gas or you’ve skipped through some posts, you’ll know I love the Buick GNX from the various posts on it. In fact, “love” doesn’t even come close; the Buick GNX to me represents everything I adore about the automobile, a car possessing an aura that IS the spirit of Gargling Gas.

The Darth Vader car is unique in the fact it managed to eat muscle cars whilst bearing the badge of blue rinse and comfortable slippers. The GNX is all black and very sinister, its owners probably best left alone. It was a murder car before the term “murdered-out” was coined.  In the late 80s and early 90s (and even today), a GNX pulling up next to your Corvette or BMW M3 at a stop light would be a daunting experience – its unnerving presence is also backed up by a performance that’ll frighten a E46 M3 and terrify a Porsche Boxster S.

Anyway, here is yet another post I wrote on the GNX, a guest post for WhyDoes.com  – Why Does Luxury Marque Buick Plan To Re-release Its Black Sheep?

More GNX reading:

A GNX Dragged Back From The Dead

Buick Please Don’t Taint A Legend