Ken Block Hoonicorn
Life has handed you a bad hand; family, friends and society have turned their back on you; you’ve been jilted by your significant other; the machine has truly sucked you in, chewed you up and spat you out. If there was any justice left in the world, the law decided it wasn’t for you and instead smashed you hard in the face with its polished gavel.
Your options are very limited, perhaps limited to just one way out… you give the world a final serenade.
Grind House (Death Proof Car)
The cowardly way out would be to eat the barrel of a gun, but what if you sought vengeance before you checked out? What if there was more than one “problem” that needed “attending to” before your final serenade?
This sounds a little grim, a tad Hollywood, doesn’t it? I guess it is, especially considering this post stemmed from reading about a guy called, Raoul Moat.
To tell a long story short and to avoid straying from the automotive angle I’m trying to pitch, the man pictured above went on a shooting spree in 2010. Devastated his girlfriend cheated on him, Moat had the Northumbria Police (UK) running around like headless chickens on a six-day manhunt. This involved 160 armed officers, armed response vehicles, sniper teams, helicopters, dogs, armoured anti-terrorist police vehicles from Northern Ireland, and even an RAF Tornado jet.
After driving around his local areas with a sawn-off shotgun, shooting his girlfriend, her lover, and a couple of cops, Moat was eventually recognised by the police. They managed to contain him in the open, leading to a live TV standoff. After six hours of negotiation, Moat ended everything by shooting himself.
If he hadn’t killed and shot at police officers, Moat could’ve been the peoples’ anti-hero, a vigilant taking revenge for a broken heart – how many movies have played out this scenario?
Part of me can understand when a person loses the plot and seeks revenge. Having had problems his entire life, a cheating partner and many run-ins with the law – despite having being a police informant – it’s not exactly surprising the odd maniac slips the net.
Raoul Moat’s Lexus
Along with his sawn-off, Moat used a black Lexus IS200 SE to unleash his fury on the world. With the black rims, some might even aptly call it ‘murdered-out’. A Lexus isn’t exactly the car I would picture Moat driving (more an EVO VIII), but it’s a solid, reliable and fast(ish) car, better than average – it served its purpose.
If Gargling Gas were to go on a hellbent killing spree, needing a vehicle to traverse counties or states, those who know the blog would instantly say, “Buick GNX“. And they’d be correct, although that would be the Hollywood/fantasy car – the reality car would be German, grey, fast, completely unassuming, the ultimate sleeper.
Enter the 2010 – 2011 VW Phaeton, a solid lump of (let’s face it) bland metal wrapped around a 6.0-L W16 engine, boasting 444-bhp and 413-ft-lbs of torque.
You wouldn’t stick out going from A-B, you have the thunder to evade capture, the sheer weight and build quality would see off anyone trying to interfere with your journey, and if you opted for auto, you could load your weapons whilst driving at 150-mph. Throw in some anti-puncture tyres and you could cause all kinds of trouble on the open highway.
So my final questions to all of you auto enthusiasts would be:
What vehicle and weapons would you choose to go on a vengeful killing spree if you were in a movie?
What ‘reality’ vehicle would you choose and what mods would you install considering the pragmatic/survivor angle.
Finally, if you do decide to undertake such a journey, please send in some pics to Gargling Gas first…