Get Me To The Funeral On Time

1970 Dodge Challenger Hearse

1970 Dodge Challenger Hearse – ebodies.blogspot.co.uk

Apart from the handful of models not successfully making the transition from car to hearse, most manage to convey a look comprised of the adjectives, grand, regal, sinister and evil. The stretched black vehicles, gliding their occupants’ empty shells to their final place of rest also naturally earn big respect.

I’ve had my fair share of experience driving hearses, as I once worked as funeral assistant. In fact, my post, The Dead Travel Fast, catalogues my tales of woe concerning the transportation of corpses.

1967 Jaguar XK-E 4.2 Series I

1967 Jaguar XK-E 4.2 Series I

One of my personal favourite hearses comes from the 1971 comedy Harold and Maude, a Jaguar his mother buys him after she disapproves of his first choice of car, a Caddy hearse. Not best pleased, Harold transforms his gift into a sports hearse.

Hearse From Hell

Hearse From Hell

Taking of Cadillacs, take the monster above, for example, the love child of Ghostbusters and Mad Max. Known as the Alexis Funker Hearse, this fire-breathing death machine just highlights what can be done with a little inspiration and versatility – hearses may be long and black, but they can be made to suit all walks of life.

About a year ago, I wrote a post simply titled, What Car Would You Be Buried In?, understanding the special bond between car guys and their pride and joys.

I think if I couldn’t be buried in my favourite car, I’d like to know my corpse took its last final ride in it.

Death & Dodgem

Death & Dodgem

So, my morbid and twisted followers, what car would you turn into a hearse, knowing it was going to be your final ride?

 

 

 

Video

What Vehicle Would You Choose To Outrun The Cops?

O.J. Simpson's Ford Bronco

O.J. Simpson’s Ford Bronco

Road movies are great, car chase movies are better, the live car chases broadcasted from helicopters the best.

For those born from the 80s onwards, you may not be familiar with the image above – sitting behind the wheel of the white Ford 4X4 is NFL hero/alleged murderer, O.J. Simpson. The story isn’t really pertinent to my article, but the fact he was high profile meant full-on TV coverage of his chase through Los Angeles. Despite the chase being at slow speed, the image of Simpson’s Bronco being followed by 20 cop cars, their lights flashing, makes for one cool scene.

Which leads me onto the point of my article and a question I want to ask all you auto enthusiasts: If you were to outrun the cops, knowing you’d eventually grab the attention of helicopters and TV, what vehicle would you choose? It would obviously have to be fast, but would it be a sensible/reliable choice, or would the thought of cameras make you opt for something exotic or badass?

Despite being caught, this video highlights how some drivers end up as legends when they appear to have the skills of Ken Block. Yes, they are criminals and they are endangering lives, but this is Gargling Gas and we like everything to do with speed, action and all-round badassary.

This video shows a driver with a little savvy, knowing the cops are targeting him with spike strips. Although he successfully swerves and avoids a few attempts at puncturing his tyres, the driver decides he can walk up to cops with a gun and not get shot. He gets shot…

Okay, most of us wouldn’t face the might of Dubai’s Police livery, but let’s consider the cars other countries use on the highway. Here in the UK, the police use Mitsubishi Evos and Subaru STIs, and the Somerset force even took delivery of an Ariel Atom – the car that gave Jeremy Clarkson a face lift.

Ariel Atom Police Car

Ariel Atom Police Car

Gallardo-Monza

Gallardo-Monza

This Lambo Gallardo LP560-4 is used by the Italian Polizia traffic unit. Rumour has it Lamborghini actually donated two of their 202-mph cars to the police, although one was written off a few years ago.

Dodge Charger Pursuit

Dodge Charger Pursuit AWD

Although not as fast as the Atom or the Lambo, my favourite is this 2014 Dodge Charger Pursuit, apparently the fastest police car in the USA. It possesses muscle car heritage, looks badass, mean and dangerous. If I had to battle on the highway with a cop car, this is the one I wouldn’t want to go up against.

So with these cars in mind, and the fact you could have your fifteen minutes of fame on the highway, what vehicle would choose to take on the cops in?

What car would Gargling Gas choose?

Why that’s easy, the Buick GNX, of course.

Buick GNX

Buick GNX

Video

Dirty, Filthy, Evil, Naughty, Sexy and Bad

Those are just six adjectives I attribute to the noise the Jaguar F-Type R creates when petrol ignites within its eight cylinders. Never mind mpg, reliability, looks (in this case the Jag does just fine), or handling, for when a car sounds this bad (the good kind of “bad”), you only have to drop the windows and hammer and all those niggling problems magically vanish – and as far as I’m concerned, magic and alchemy is exactly what Jaguar have applied to this big cat’s heart.

Should you ever need to unblock your ears, just watch the video below.

Video

Ford GT Swaps 8 Cylinders For 6

2015/01/img_1336.jpg

Think Ford GT and you automatically picture Le Mans and the 60s GT-40s bringing the fight to Ferrari. As well as the teal and orange GULF livery colours, you’ll also most likely imagine the twin white racing stripes traversing the deep blue sea of low angles and beautiful lines that form the modern GT’s sleek body.

Next up, and synonymous with all American muscle, particularly the Ford GT-40 and it’s modern tribute, the GT, is it’s V8 heart.

So what would you say if you found out the latest edition to the GT family has decided it doesn’t fancy a V8? What would you think if it wanted a V6 instead? You’d first no doubt gasp in horror, perhaps calmed somewhat in the knowledge it had asked for twin turbos.

Turbos are looking to be the future in maintaining high horsepower without pushing emission limits.

I’m all for technological progression, and as far as the following video shows, I think the new Ford GT is something to behold.

Hawaii Automotive Trend Setter

Gargling Gas loves the Motor Trend YouTube channel for many reasons, chief among them the vastly diverse content they produce. Along with their spin-off channel, Roadkill, Motor Trend pretty much cover aspect of the automotive universe.

Whilst Roadkill cover the badass muscle cars, the ugly – yet beautiful – rat rods, and the on-road chaos and fireworks, Motor Trend present the sophisticated and elegant, the slipstream and sexy.

Take the video below, for example, a film stuffed with all the right ingredients. Take one V12 Ferrari, one sexy Scandinavian girl, and the wonderful backdrop of Hawaii, and you have superb visuals and a glorious soundtrack.

I selected this video, not only because it’s a great film, but because Motor Trend are holding one of their legendary shows in Hawaii for the first time next year.

For nearly six decades the Motor Trend brand has been recognised the globe over as one of the leading automotive hubs, their Auto Shows LLC, America’s biggest auto production company. I guess this is the States’ version of our UK Topgear Live, a show I have yet to attend. 

Hawaii is a place I’d love to visit, not just for the beaches, babes and surf (I can’t surf), I’ve heard news of drifting events there. The scene is pretty big in Hawaii, however, the authorities have added special grippy surfaces to many of its streets’ corners to prevent illegal drifting .

So if you head to Hawaii for drifting or to visit the Motor Trend LLC show, I’d look into Hawaii car rentals . The event will be held at the address below on March 13, 14, 15 next year.

Hawaii Convention Center

1801 Kalakaua Ave.

Honolulu, HI 96815808.943.3500

One Car Apocalypse

Zombieland

Zombieland

As a fiction writer as well as an automotive scribbler, I’ve not only noticed the ubiquitous appearance of zombies, vampires and apocalyptic settings in film, TV and books over the past decade, I’ve had a few ideas myself.

Of course, cars always find themselves into the forefront of my imagination, which in turn led me here to Gargling Gas and an important question I’d like all you petrolheads to consider.

28 Days Later

If you were a character in film, TV or a novel set within the aforementioned genres, what would be your car of choice?

Would it be a car chosen for pragmatic reasons such as reliability, economy or its ability to traverse all terrains? Or would you throw caution to  the wind and go for something fast, aggressive and loud?

Mad Max

Mad Max

As the choice can be made within the realm of fiction and fantasy, where cars can miraculously jump like the General Lee and land with no mechanical issues, I’m going to go with something a little more interesting than the ‘real world’ solution to zombies and the apocalypse I penned a while back – Zombie Benz.

Bellflower

Bellflower

Bellflower isn’t strictly an apocalyptic film, although the car, Medusa is a creation built should the apocalypse ever occur. I think the protagonists had the right idea, though, a muscle car possessing flamethrowers.

My favourite protagonist in any story has to be “The Kid”, a twisted and psychotic greaser from Stephen King’s genius apocalyptic masterpiece, The Stand. He is short and boosts his height by six inches by means of a tall hairdo and high-heeled cowboy boots.

He drives a heavily customised 1932 Ford deuce coupe, which he drives dangerously fast, “speeds high enough to induce brain damage”, always with a beer or a whiskey chased with Pepsi in hand.

The Stand

The Stand

I think if I were to appear in film alongside the undead, bloodsuckers and a world ready to leave me alongside a handful of survivors, my main priority would be vanity – I’d need to look badass. People would need to hear me coming, fear me once they saw my ride, and either bow down or swoon as I rumbled by, slowing to throw a glance over my RayBans whilst flicking a cigarette butt out of the window.

A Prius? No. A Lamborghini? Hell no. What then?

Fast & Furious

Fast & Furious

If you follow Gargling Gas you’d expect me to say the Buick Grand National, but since it has made a fair amount of on-screen appearances, including Fast & Furious (2009), I’ll go for something nearly on par with its legendary sinister looks.

My car of choice has a good amount of power, killer looks, retro lines and nickname pertinent to the genres. It would look menacing from the front, great from the side, and simply amazing sliding around corners and splattered in buckets of blood and zombie brains.

BMW E24 635 CSi

BMW E24 635 CSi

Let me introduce The Shark-nose, the BMW E24  635 CSi. Oh yeah, it would without a doubt have to black, like my current Bimmer, HeLLga.

So what car would you choose to drive in a world void of life, a world wanting either your blood, your brains or ultimately your life?

 

 

Video

ZZZ ZZZ Sleeper

What you see above isn’t quite what you’d expect. Okay, so it’s obviously a sleeper build (the title and reg plate also give it away), and you’d be right in thinking this ordinary 80s Ford possesses a little extra grunt. Now take a closer look at the Granada’s wheels – you’re probably now expecting the build to have taken on more than the usual sleeper modifications.

I first saw this car featured in a forum a few years ago when it featured a 600-hp Ford Cosworth YB engine. Even that was a monstrous transplant, leaving a demon sleeper capable of embarrassing pretty much anything on the roads. 

I have so much respect for the owner and builder for what he did next I think I’d swoon if I met him. I know he is from Norway, and judging from his history with his beloved Ford Granada, he’s missing a few nuts and bolts upstairs. As if 600-hp wasn’t enough, he ripped the Cosworth engine out and installed (wait for it) a twin-turbocharged 4.7-L V8 built by Ford and re-engineered by Koenigsegg. Multiply its previous power output by nearly 3 and you are left with 1700-hp… Jesus H Christ.

Isn’t she a thing to behold, a wonderful experiment taken too far? Of course, all this ludicrous power is harnessed by a lot of other modifications – follow this thread for a detailed diary and pictures of the build.

What I admire most about this creation is the fact the owner knew exactly what his sleeper should be. The Granada isn’t the obvious choice as there’s the classic Escort and Sierra that are the usual Fords to take on the mods. It’s 80s, boxy and cool, and although it suggests a few extra hps, you’d never suspect a whopping 1700 of them.

I take my hat off to you, you mad Norwegian Doc Emmett Brown – you’ve created the world’s most terrifying sleeper.

If you agree and want to see more of this chap, check out his Facebook page and watch the monster come to life in the video below.